I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
