i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
