somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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