it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
