Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
