She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
