i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dick very happy bro
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
