I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
