i just had sex bonerless
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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