I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
