this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
