allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
