You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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