not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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