what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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