I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
