these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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