Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
