well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The air was thick with penises
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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