I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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