My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
