I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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