i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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