i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
