i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
