You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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