He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
