I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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