On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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