My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
