I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
