Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
