saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
