the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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