I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
