I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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