if only i could text you this smell
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
