we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
