He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
