my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
