and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
