The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
