i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
