A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
jump out the window naked night went bad
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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