five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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