I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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