Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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