You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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