no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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