So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
