Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
